This turned me on a little.

0 notes

i-once-had-a-guy-tell-me:

I once had a drunk guy tell me I was too sexy to be shooting up at a party. He knocked the needle out of my hands and stepped on the pen, shattering the casing, telling me I should thank him by giving him my number and a kiss. It was my diabetes medicine.

(submitted by anonymous)

(via kimmykaos)

80,765 notes

ohitsjustkim:

esm398:

jakebumlick:

pika-brew:

pika-brew:

My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.

The guy said sure.

So we decided to leave a nice little note
image

image

and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!

image

oMGGGG

image

pizza cares

Pizza understands

pizza spelt its own name wrong

(via kimmykaos)

351,747 notes

grampaandgrandmasterflash:


Keep in mind my grandma over dramatizes everything. My dad was already on his way and the cell phone just needed to be restarted.

Submitted by a reader.

grampaandgrandmasterflash:

Keep in mind my grandma over dramatizes everything. My dad was already on his way and the cell phone just needed to be restarted.

Submitted by a reader.

30 notes

Popcorn and cookies tastes not like the magical movie theatre I deserve, but the magical movie theatre that I need right now.

0 notes

Yes, Max, eat the cookies. The cookies make the pain go away. Keep closing the box as if you’re done eating them, we know better. The chocolate chip joy train has arrived at the station.

0 notes

diloolie:

sammvitches:

parkingstrange:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

nosdrinker:

so anyway I just found out Jim Carrey is an anti-vaxer

n…………………………..o



Oh sweet jesus it’s true

Oh fuck me.

Goddamn it…..

diloolie:

sammvitches:

parkingstrange:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

nosdrinker:

so anyway I just found out Jim Carrey is an anti-vaxer

n…………………………..o

Oh sweet jesus it’s true

Oh fuck me.

Goddamn it…..

(via discodick)

8,914 notes

slomps:

People who can keep their cool when being told off or made fun of are not to be messed with

(Source: fvming, via danbibaby)

223,134 notes

thisishangingrockcomics:

actual diary entry from when i was in 5th grade oh my god

thisishangingrockcomics:

actual diary entry from when i was in 5th grade oh my god

84,115 notes

westaftermid:

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong.

(Source: unamusedsloth, via discodick)

204,420 notes

(Source: timelordgifs, via kimmykaos)

9,318 notes

Anonymous said: This is gonna sound so stupid but what is a fuckboy? lol

littlemisslovegoodx:

rememberingsuunday:

fuckboy symptoms:

  • timothy over here askin’ for nudes when all u did was say hello
  • connor who won’t calm down with his axe spray tryna infect ya lungs
  • colin adding #420 to his bio when he smoked weed one time
  • gregory mad cause u didn’t blow him after the first date

how to spot a fuckboy:

  • white nike tube socks with his adidas sandals
  • he wants to play 20 questions (!!!!!!!!! do not play !!!!!!!!!!! especially if there’s a “;)” involved)
  • relies on his mom but doesn’t respect women
  • looks like he just read one of jaden smith’s tweets in all of his selfies
  • can’t find the clitoris

fuckboys come in all shapes and sizes and results may vary but when he a fuckboy…he a fuckboy…and u will know

this post is so important

142,657 notes

Sweatpants have got to be the only type of pants where wearing boxers is the least comfortable option. You allow those things the space to move around and you’re getting the tag right up the ass.

0 notes

grampaandgrandmasterflash:

Submitted by a reader.

"Just because it’s called hippity hop doesn’t mean it makes me want to go hippity hop!"

grampaandgrandmasterflash:

Submitted by a reader.

"Just because it’s called hippity hop doesn’t mean it makes me want to go hippity hop!"

57 notes

It’s got me considering a Wii U

It’s got me considering a Wii U

(Source: arielflare, via discodick)

49,431 notes